Conflict Resolution

When Ben gets angry at his parents, he yells at them with whatever words come to mind, sometimes obscenities. Jean, his mother yells back with equal or greater force but Bill, his dad, continues to read the paper or watch tv and does not engage with them. After the screaming match is over, Ben storms up to his room or out the front door, and Jean often does not speak to him for days. After most arguments, Bill tries to encourage Ben to apologize to Jean and treat her more respectfully, but Ben refuses and cites the fact that Jean is the grownup and should be the one to set the example. Does this family have an issue with conflict resolution? I would say yes!

Conflict between teens and parents is inevitable. It is important to ensure, however, that these differences of opinion are handled in a healthy way, to preserve the relationship and enhance mutual understanding. The teen years can be a confusing time for both the child and the parent. Teens try to assert their independence, sometimes without the accompanying sense of responsibility. Some parents have never been exposed to constructive conflict resolution themselves and are therefore unable to model this appropriately for their children. As such, the cycle of disrespect and dysfunction is perpetuated. 

As a Christian therapist, I help parents approach conflict with their teens in positive and affirming ways, seeking to understand them yet upholding boundaries of respect and order. This is always a delicate balance, yet important to achieve. In my work with parents, I encourage time in prayer, seeking God’s direction and allowing His spirit of gentleness to guide these discussions.