Financial Disagreements

Nancy and Don fight endlessly about her spending habits. She loves to shop, gets her hair done every week, and buys expensive gifts for friends and family. They have been married for five years and these issues came up early in the marriage. Don is very frugal. He came from a poor family and experienced financial hardship for much of his growing up years. His overwhelming fear of not having enough makes him angry with Nancy when she seems not to care about how she spends their money. Don has even considered divorce a few times when he realizes that Nancy may never change. This couple’s financial disagreements are seriously affecting the future of their relationship.

Money problems are one of the major issues in marriages, and the cause of many divorces. In a study conducted by the Consumer Credit Counseling Service in 2003, sixty percent of the couples surveyed reported fighting about finances with their partners. More than ninety-three percent admitted that money issues increased the stress in their relationship. A Utah State University study showed that couples who admitted to fighting about money once a week were thirty percent more likely to divorce than those who fought once a month. Issues around finances include disagreements on how money is divided; hiding purchases; going into debt; differences in opinion about saving; not attending to money conflicts early on; not talking about finances, and lending or borrowing money from family.

In my counseling practice, I help husband and wife understand their individual relationships to money, and the value placed on it. I assist each partner in prayerfully exploring God’s view on their spending patterns and encourage each to take responsibility for any changes in attitude that need to be made. I then facilitate discussion and compromise around this issue, and teach partners how to communicate to avert future challenges and what to do when these conflicts occur.